Persuasive Writing - Why we should fix our field

We have been having a go at writing a piece of persuasive writing. here is my piece of writing about why we should fix our field. 

Title A Short Statement about the topic. eg. ‘Rugby League Is A Great Sport’	Fix The Papa Tākaro (field)
Overview/ Statement of position A brief statement of your view about the topic.  What you believe or want to argue.	I strongly believe that we need to fix our field. We need to fix the field because if we don’t fix their will be more accidents with people.
Series of Arguments Reasons Your points supporting your view about the topic.  Your arguments to support your statement and information to support these arguments. Remember -argument -supporting detail, reasons, examples	Firstly, if we don’t fix our field there will be more accidents around people. More people will be hurt because we are quite crowded.
	Secondly, if we don’t fix the field we will have less room to play and we don’t have room train. Without the field we won't get as fit as with the field.
	Thirdly, without the field their will not be a gala.  Without the gala we won’t have enough money to pay for shows or busses.
	Finally, with no field we won't get to train for events  like cross country and tournaments.
Concluding statement Summing it up.  A summary of your arguments and your view on the topic.	In conclusion we need to fix our field because with no field we won't get to train for events, without the field their will not be a gala, if we don’t fix the field we will have less room to play and we don’t have room train, if we don’t fix our field there will be more accidents around people. It is very important to fix our field now!